Our administrator works in the field! Here’s a few choice recent responses!
Customer: I’m trying to connect to the Internet with your CD,
but it just doesn’t work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you’ve got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah….
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven’t got a computer. It’s in the CD player
and all I get is weird noises. Listen…..
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
===============
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one…
===============
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on
my desk… sorry….
===============
Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
============== =
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.
Tech support: Would you click on “start” for me and…
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me!
I’m not Bill Gates, damn it!
===============
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I
try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed
it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…
===============
Customer: I have problems printing in red…
Tech support: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaah………………..thank you.
===============
Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
===============
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.
Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work
===============
Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
===============
Customer: I can’t get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: It’s easy!! Five stars.
===============
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.
===============
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my
computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
===============
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get
the circle around it?
===============
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her
printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: “No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.
but it just doesn’t work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you’ve got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah….
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven’t got a computer. It’s in the CD player
and all I get is weird noises. Listen…..
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
===============
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one…
===============
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on
my desk… sorry….
===============
Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
============== =
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.
Tech support: Would you click on “start” for me and…
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me!
I’m not Bill Gates, damn it!
===============
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I
try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed
it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…
===============
Customer: I have problems printing in red…
Tech support: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaah………………..thank you.
===============
Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
===============
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.
Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work
===============
Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
===============
Customer: I can’t get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: It’s easy!! Five stars.
===============
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.
===============
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my
computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
===============
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get
the circle around it?
===============
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her
printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: “No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window!
His printer is working fine.”
===============
Tech support: … and you say you’ve lost your word document on Soccer Rules.
Go to your Sports Section and search the folders there!
The British Home Affairs Minister explained New Labour’s policy.
‘We strive to deliver a holistic action plan that is evidence-based, action-orientated, takes an end-to-end approach and provides a sound basis for positive action and interaction!’
The journalist beside me seemed less than convinced. I asked for his interpretation.
‘When we’re not lying through our teeth,’ he translated helpfully,
‘We’re procrastinating for all we’re worth!’
His printer is working fine.”
===============
Tech support: … and you say you’ve lost your word document on Soccer Rules.
Go to your Sports Section and search the folders there!
Customer: We’re only a one room office. We don’t have a Sports Section.
Or did you mean .. in today’s newspaper?
The British Home Affairs Minister explained New Labour’s policy.
‘We strive to deliver a holistic action plan that is evidence-based, action-orientated, takes an end-to-end approach and provides a sound basis for positive action and interaction!’
The journalist beside me seemed less than convinced. I asked for his interpretation.
‘When we’re not lying through our teeth,’ he translated helpfully,
‘We’re procrastinating for all we’re worth!’