Mandy gets the job!

Mr Peter Mandelson, Her Majesty’s Pro-Consul to McArthurland (formerly the United States of America) has issued the following Orders in Council at Westminster in relation to Her Majesty’s subjects residing there.

All those residing in McArthurland will immediately desist from the despicable pretence that they speak a language of their own known as U.S. English.  This is an oxymoran and all such are banned. 

Any subjects apprehended in violation of this Order will be transported for immediate re-education to the British Virgin Islands

(NO! We do not accept that that is an oxymoran in itself!).    

The former leader, George W Bush has been arrested and charged with crimes against Her Majesty’s English language.  He has already been transported to Her Majesty’s latest overseas dependency Iraq where he is being held for questioning at Abu Graib prison.  Should any photos appear in the newspapers of guards standing on his head, or pretending to punch him, know that they are fakes – and anyway the boys were only having a little fun.

All imports of tea into Boston Ma. from Her Majesty’s Indian Sub-Continent are banned and will remain so for all time.  This is in direct reprisal for the Boston Tea Party  (Now, you’ll be sorry!!)

Stand by for further Orders in Council.

God Save The Queen

Signed,   Peter (Tony’s crony) Mandelson