Dear Agnes,
I have read your pages with sheer delight. You seem to be a very knowledgeable woman and now I need your kindly advice.
I am a long suffering mate; although my partner of eight years continues to show me undying love, she feeds and waters me regularly, she tells me when I have been good .. well ..ll ..ll ……ahhhh!!
..well, frankly, things have been going to the dogs recently. She whines and whinges continuously … she complains that my breath smells; that I have odours coming from my body, and so on … and just lately, it has all come to a head (if you get my meaning).
I am at her beck and call and never answer back, now I feel she is getting ready to dump me for another. Whatever will I do?
I show my love on a daily basis and we snuggle up together. How bad can those odours be? Have we not all got body odours??
This can only get worse. I couldn’t beat new competition as I’m slowing down with arthritis. Please help.
Lost and lonely
A Terrier
Dear, ah.. eh.. Terrier,
NO!!
I do NOT at all ‘get your meaning’ !!!!
You show your love daily, doggie-fashion? Do I read you right?
Can this have some other meaning that what I think?
Let me put it this way…
is this your missionary position?
You BOTH sound to me, like a thoroughly disgusting ‘kettle of fish’!!
And, if you read this as a reference to body odours..
well, have it your own way!
Indeed, that’s what I fear you are already up to.
Let me confide in you my own experience.
That blackguard out in the potting shed
.. where I have confined him for past transgressions ..
came crawling back last time with tales that he had finally be driven from his most recent harlot by – quote- ‘the smell’.
Your disgusting ‘woes’ have brought all this back to me.
You’re barking up the wrong tree if you expect sympathy here!