Fun Stuff

Virginity Test

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Sipho Malinga was enjoying his explanation.

“I have several ways to test the boys for virginity,” he expounded, in the school in Kwazulu Natal, “all based on sound medical practice.

While my colleagues are checking that the girls’ hymens are intact, I ask the boys to urinate – without using their hands – over a thin piece of wire strung about a metre above ground. Those whose golden streams pass over are virgins, the others are not. Also I check the foreskin. If it is hard, the boy is pure. The most certain test of all is to check the backs of the boys’ knees. If there is an indenture behind the knees, that is a sure sign of sexual activity.

My role is so much easier that that of my colleagues testing the girls. To the best of my knowledge they have only the one test!

We do not force the boys to take the test, but those who refuse must have a reason! Also we offer rewards like toy watches and mint cake.”

Logical Deduction

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Reasoning Tests 

If you are suffering from withdrawal symptoms since these were abandoned from your children’s grammar school entry examinations, here’s a few to amuse you.  You ought to score more than 60% correct!

1                 To succeed at academic examinations it is necessary to study.  Therefore if a student works hard in a particular subject, he or she should do well when it comes to the examination.

Which of the following best describes the flaw in this argument?

A         It assumes that it is necessary to study in order to succeed

B          It overestimates the value of study in preparation for examinations

C         It ignore the fact that some subjects are more academic than others

D         It assumes that studying hard is a sufficient condition for academic success

E          It ignore the fact that some students don’t need to study much to succeed

2                    A solid cube has twelve sides.  If all eight corners are sliced away while leaving part of each original edge intact, how many edges has the new solid?

A         12

B          24

C         32

D         36

E          44

 

3          One in 1000 people in Britain is estimated to be a carrier of the potentially fatal liver disease hepatitis B, although this estimate is probably far too low. There should be a mass vaccination programme to eradicate this disease.  Seventy five countries carry out such a programme and including hepatitis B in Britain’s existing vaccination programme would be a simple matter.

The main objection has been the cost.  At present each shot of the vaccine costs

Removing Foreign Bodies

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The book offered advice to qualifying surgeons and was called ‘Short Practice of Surgery’ by Bailey & Love (1992).

‘The variety of foreign bodies that have found their way into the human rectum is hardly less remarkable than the ingenuity used in their removal.

A turnip has been removed per anum (eh?!) by the use of obstetric forceps.  A stick firmly planted has been removed by the insertion of a gimlet into its lower end.  A tumbler, mouth downwards has been extracted by filling the interior with a wet Plaster of Paris bandage, leaving the end of the bandage protruding, and allowing the plaster to set.

Other items include a pepper pot.a dildo, and several carrots!

Many Howlers

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no water, so firemen improvised

The coach appealed for alterations to be done to the toilets so that they could be used for football matches

The Council made money available for hotel beds to be ready for tourist sin Summer

After the ceremony the bride and broom go to the vestry to sigh

WANTED: a domesticated woman to live with old lady and to hell with cooking

Girl for general housework, able to milk one cow and cook for three

Many parts of the country had the direst summer on record

P.A Announcement at Croke Park: Would those on the roof of the stands please come down at once, or steps will be taken to get them down

Soft drinks lorry ad: Drink T and P mineral waters

Shop Window: DON’T BE CHEATED ELSEWHERE. COME IN HERE!

Laundry: WHY KILL YOURSELF WITH WASHING? LET US DO IT BY HAND

On lake: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, IT IS UNSAFE TO BATHE

Newspaper headline when John Paul I found dead in bed:

POPE DIES FOR THE SECOND TIME IN A MONTH!

Shop: No dissatisfied customer allowed to leave this shop

PASSENGERS HIT BY CANCELLED TRAINS

HEARSE FOR SALE: GOOD ENGINE: ORIGINAL BODY

chemists Window: WE DISPENSE WITH ACCURACY

Sign beneath large crucified Christ in Graveyard: EXECUTED BY MURPHY BROTHERS

 

Caf

Mayor Parrot

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The mayor of Guayaquil in Ecuador has found a talented stand-in to fulfil his duties when he is otherwise engaged.  At a specially arranged press conference last week he introduced him to his fiercest critics, the city’s press corps.  They have pursued him relentlessly recently over the social security ‘reforms’ he has been trying to introduce.

Read moreMayor Parrot