Newry News and Irish Fun
When it was first told to me, I believed the story of the man who guiltily buried the savaged body of his neighbour’s cat – on the assumption that the foul deed was done by his own dog, sworn enemy of that same pussy – only to find that Towser unearthed the corpse and delivered the muddy remains to the other’s doorstep. In similar fashion (am I just gullible?) I also believed the man who recounted the following story, alleging it had happened to him.
The following are – allegedly – the actual words from an ‘accident insurance form’. The assessors had been unhappy with the original application and requested more details.
‘In your form, I put down the cause of my accident as ‘poor planning’.
A talented panel of expert doctors and consultants met at
The debate that followed was heated.
Am I as bad as them for even repeating these further examples of foolish answers to TV Quiz questions? Don’t answer that!!
Here are some more. The last reminds me of the mother at Parent’s Night excusing young Jimmy’s poor History result on the grounds that they couldn’t be expected to know when certain leaders died, because, ‘We live far back off the road, and don’t see the funerals going past!’
Q: What island won the George Cross in World War Two?
A:
Q: What ‘T’ is a rising column of warm air and warm underclothes?
A: Turtle
Q: Is ‘baklava’ a main course or a pudding?
A: A starter
Q:
A: Jesus?
Q: Who was next President of the
A: John F Kennedy
Q : No! it was Jimmy Carter (Actually it was Gerald Ford!)
Q: What is the currency of
A: Ramadan
Q: After his abdication Edward VIII became known as the Duke of …. What?
A: Earl ?
Q: Which animals build dams and lodges?
A: Rabbits
Q: ‘Bolster’ is an anagram of which marine crustacean?
A: Crab
Q: How was Evelyn Waugh related to the journalist Auberon Waugh?
A: Sister ?
Q. Who was the first woman to fly across the Atlantic in 1928?
A: Lady Godiva?
Q. What is the full name of Karl Marx’s book, ‘Das …
A. ‘Kampf’?
Q. In Shakespeare’s play, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, who was King of the Fairies?
A. I’m no good at history!
Q. Give another name for ‘telltale’.
A: Telltale
Q. Oscar Wilde, Hitler and Jeffrey Archer all wrote books about their experiences, where? Was it a. in prison or b. in the Conservative Party?
A. The Conservative Party.
Q: Who gave the Gettysburg Address in 1863?
A: How would I know? That’s before I was even BORN!!
‘It was very embarrassing for us in the Drugs Squad!’ admitted Iqaf Hemlock, Assistant Police Commissioner of
ALL the following were ACTUAL answers on the inane TV show Family Fortunes! Honest!
A word beginning with Z: “Xylophone..”
A slang word for a girl: “Slag..”
An animal with horns: “A bee…”
A medieval weapon: “Hand-grenade..”
Something made of wool: “A sheep..”
Thank heavens that motor vehicles are much more reliable than they formerly were. How often today do you see a car ‘on tow’? I believe it is illegal now to use a tow-rope (as opposed to a rigid tow-bar!) but that old skill of bump-starting a dead-battery car will soon be gone forever.
All the following answers were given to Anne Robinson by female contestants.
I mean, men would never be so foolish – would they?
Skip to the last paragraph before you answer that!
Q: In what direction do the hands of a clock travel?
Do you want to feel superior again, to those dopey contestants on British TV Quiz shows? O K, here goes!
Quizmaster: In the 1940s which politician was chiefly responsible for the introduction of the Welfare State?