Dear Agnes
My lady friend and I, we are of a certain age but the juices still flow and we have womanly needs and desires.
She spotted him first, I admit, and drew my attention to him, wanting my opinion only.
‘Give him the once-over,’ she advised.
That’s exactly what I did, all right! I promise you!
I DO wish that people would say what they mean, don’t you?
Anyway, I couldn’t help being attracted to him.
He is admittedly past the first flush of youth! But he has everything else … brains, savvy, those craggy good looks and charm, and tenderness to die for.
Oh, and money! Lots of it! And the drive and the intent to pleasure a lady.
I had only sat down with him the first time – she made the arrangement – when he found occasion to gently brush my arm with his finger tips. He must have sensed my reaction for within minutes he had passed to my knee and then my thigh. Once, indeed – how he managed to make it seem accidental, I’ll never know – he brushed lightly across my bosom. Ah, the bliss!
‘Can I take you somewhere for a drive?’ he whispered lightly. Actually ‘drive’ was not his chosen word, but I’ve substituted that for propriety’s sake! Yet all the while, the talk was of another woman, my friend!
But back to the business in hand! Now I’m caught between a rock and a hard place: my long-time friend and my new lover. What should I do, Agnes?
I’m cock-a-hoop with expectancy of the thrills to come and think I should grab this bull by the horns, so to speak. I need to get on top of this situation quickly because there’s a fire burning in my loins.
Should I drop a hand-written note to tell my friend that I’ve ousted her, or simply carry on this illicit affair behind her back?
I need your advice.
Neda Nibla Nanar
Dear Neda,
I’m sorry. I don’t believe a word of it.
I’m of the strong opinion that your missive to me is designed to stir jealousy in your supposed friend and the only arousal happening here is in your sick mind!
At the same time the only shafting I see is you of your good friend, who asked for your help – and this is the way you repay her.
Your sexual allusions are infantile in the extreme.
Go suck a lemon, you frustrated old bag!
Agnes